Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
