i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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