My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I deserve this hangover.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
