She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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