my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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