so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize