Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
