i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
