Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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