Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
