the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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