Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
