if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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