i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
