I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
