we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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