OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
