My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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