no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
