i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
