the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
