You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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