i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
