I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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