my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
