Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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