It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
