he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have post one night stand depression
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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