I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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