The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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