Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
a search helicopter?!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
