Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
