I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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