She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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