Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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