I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize