you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
