her vagine was all disorganized.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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