U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
