I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize