yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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