Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
