Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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