Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
