you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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