i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize