I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
