i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
