its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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