Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
