I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize