put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
