Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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