so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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