if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
