I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
