put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Blood and glitter go together right?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
