You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
