You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize