so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
