her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
