dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
