im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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