saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
