I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
