My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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