i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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