if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
