I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
