don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
