im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
