so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
