some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
