Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
