wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
