one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
