Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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