I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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