pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I need to calm my uterus...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
